Humans have no choice but to think of their relationships, as they are beset by their communal needs in life. One such communal need is love, which is as ephemeral and transient as any abstract noun. Yrsa Daley-Ward, in her poem “What Love Isn’t,” states that love is not exactly what we learned about in the picture books. “It is not a five-star stay,” she writes. “It is not / compliments, and it is never ever / flattery.” That is to say, love isn’t a fairy tale, and there isn’t a princess to come out of the woodwork to steal your heart, or a prince to put on the glass slipper. Love defies such simple notions. It is beyond petty pleasantries.
What is more, love is a difficult thing to carry with you, even though it has many upsides. “It is solid,” Daley-Ward writes. “Not sweet but always / nutritious / Always herb / always salt / Sometimes / grit.” There is something hearty there for us to consume in love. Something to make us whole again and to make us feel something in our guts. Sometimes, we think of this as butterflies in our stomach, but that undercuts the wholesome, healing properties of love.
Love can heal us in ways that we don’t understand. In times of turmoil and strife, those we love stand with us and see us through. If you have ever been unemployed, depressed, morose, or apathetic, then you know what power a hand grabbing yours at the right moment can have, the same as a hug when you least expect it.
Daley-Ward continues: “It is now and till the end. It is never a slither, never a little / is a full serving / it is much.” How much? Well, I suppose that comes down to the partnership, but much is the difference between trying and not trying, loving and not loving. Communication is often difficult and tiresome. Though we can often overlook these things because our spouses are our backbone and supporters, people who cheer us on when nobody else has the time. That type of dedication matters. In this way, love becomes much. It transcends little acts of service and touch. It is a way of life, a dedication.
Even so, love gets heavy, and that can sound cliché, but love is the strongest emotion. You can’t always explain why you feel the way you feel about somebody because love internalizes itself in your soul—in your very being from your feet up toward your head. Daley-Ward states that “it is weight and it is weight and it is too heavy to feel / good sometimes… / It is / not what the films say… / it is difficult and always, always / surprising.”
Love is never what you think, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth having in your heart.
Works Cited
Daley-Ward, Yrsa. “What Love Isn’t.” CommonLit, 2014. Web. commonlit.org/texts/what-love-isn-t. Accessed 12 Nov. 2021.
